Healing Hour

They say time heals all wounds

But I believe it’s a lie

The wound just scabs over

And the scar remains

A constant reminder of the battle you’ve lost

The heartbreaking journey you’ve made

And the hardships you’ve overcome

For me, time wasn’t a healing remedy

It just numbed the pain

These wounds will never heal

Which means I shall never fully recover

As for now, I will trace my scars

In hopes of figuring out where I went wrong

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Lies

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People are manipulative

And deceiving

Day after day I’m fed the same lies

Like, “I’ll always be here for you”

Or, “You can trust me.”

And the list goes on

Stop feeding me lies

You stabbed me in the back

And left before I could even finish this poem

Farewell

Anniversaries

tumblr_static_waiting_for_you____by_loveflameA simple date on the calendar

It could bring you joy

As you count down the days

And prepare for the occasion

Or it could cause you pain

A downward spiral

You sit there miserable

As you count down the minutes

But not to prepare

To wait till the dark day is over

Today I’m counting down the seconds

It feels like I’m getting my heart yanked out of my chest all over again

Time stands still

And the hours, feel like an eternity

I would do anything to make today a joyous day, like it once was

But you and I were on different pages

In two different books…

Forever

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My definition of forever was different from yours.
We made a promise.
It meant nothing to you, but everything to me.
Our love was “forever.”
At least that’s what it was suppose to be.
I was dismissed.
No hesitation. No explanation.
You said our love was forever.
But in reality, it was temporary.
A temporary forever.
If this is how long forever lasts, than I don’t want to love anyone forever ever again.

The Burden She Carries

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Life gets overwhelming at times
Constantly being compared to others
Endless responsibilities

It’s like I’m playing a tug a war, with myself
With my thoughts
With my emotions
When will this all go away

I’m tired of randomly crying
I’m sick of worrying about nothing
About everything
About worrying

Everyday I feel alone
No one to talk to
No one to lean on
I’m always there for them
With unconditional love
But no one is ever there for me
It doesn’t seem fair

Maybe I’m not as important as the rest
Even when I’m with my own friends
I feel like I’m being left behind
The odd one out
It’s them and then me
Me and then them
Never in unity
Always divided

I don’t blame them
Because I’m a burden
Holding people back
No one deserves to have the junk on my mind dumped on them
They must never know
I’d rather not be judged
Or looked at differently
But keeping these secrets kills me inside
I just want someone to listen to me

Potential Love

walking-away

I am incapable of love
He broke me down that much
The simple thought of love scares me
No longer can I look at another man
Even though the one I wanted first, finally wants me too

It feels like I’m a super villain
Leading him on
Knowing what I know
Every time I look at him I think of my previous love
Whenever he touches me I wish that instead of him, it was my previous love
With every kiss that’s planted on my face, I imagine the taste of my previous love
He confesses his love to me, but in my mind i can only hear the “I love yous” of my previous love

What’s the matter with me ?
At last, the one I wanted, wants me
But the one I need, no longer needs me and that’s all I think about

It’s as if I committed a crime
I ran away with his heart
Then just vanished
He was expecting reciprocity
But all I did was rob him
Rob him of the chance of real love
I’m in too deep
I wish I could take it all back
No matter what I do, I always manage to mess it up

My wildest dreams came true
I got him
The one I had a crush on all these years
This is the kind of thing that only happens in movies
He chose me
But I can’t return the love
All the love that lived in my heart, is now gone
A vacant heart due to foreclosure
It was all used up
The payments grew to be too much

Love doesn’t dwell in my heart anymore
It’s still hitchhiking waiting for my previous love
Wishful thinking
My love is rebellious
One day I hope it returns home
So it vacates the heart of my potential love

Time is running out
I don’t want to break his heart
I don’t wanna ruin love for him, like my previous love did to me
That is a pain that never goes away
A scar that never heals
A memory that doesn’t fade
Never did I imagine that I would be as cruel as my previous love
Damaging others like he did to me

How does one become so cold ?
The guilt is eating me alive
Why can’t I return the love ?
Every day I grew more numb
Love is no longer a commodity I can give out
All thanks to my previous love
He continues to complicate my life
Even when he’s long gone

My potential love is blindly facing the consequences of my previous love
He never stood a chance
I wanna keep my eyes closed
I don’t wanna see my potential love crumble because I am incapable of love
Please know that I’m sorry
I never meant for this to happen

One day I hope you receive all the love you deserve
If not from me, from another woman
Because you deserve nothing but the best kind of love
The kind that you get back

You’re my best friend
And once you discover these words on this page
I understand if you never speak to me again
All this is my fault
I hope we continue being friends
Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without you
You know my darkest secrets, but you still look at me as if I am perfect
Even though I’m far from it
It kills me that instead of repaying you for all that you’ve done for me
I’m breaking your heart without you even knowing

Please forgive me
That day might not be today or even years from now
But the thought of you hating me hurts me beyond belief
Deep inside I know this could have been a beautiful love
One never experienced by no two people before us
Or one that won’t be experienced long after we’ve both perished
Our potential love couldn’t have ever been duplicated
But my previous love ruined all our chances
Because his footprints are still visible in all areas of my heart
His presence still lingers inside of me
We can’t experience our potential love
All because I’m incapable of love

She

ImageAll the nights I sit and cry.
Well now I realize that you probably don’t do the same.
As you visualize and fantasize about another woman.
Another woman who played with your mind and tore us apart with little effort.

And now I hate myself that I sit and cry.
That I visualize and fantasize about you.
About you and not another man.
Believe it or not, I still love you.
My mind, heart, or soul could not be corrupted by an outsider.

But for you, it was so easy.
You turned the other cheek.
No formal goodbye, no real explanation.
I’m left here weak.

Even though you broke my heart I still visualize and fantasize about what we could be.
I mean, what we could have been.
Me and you versus the world.
You and I forever and always.

But you’re lying in bed thinking of her as I sit here thinking of you, of us.
Thinking about where I went wrong.
Thinking about what’s wrong with me.
Sleepless nights wondering if I wasn’t enough.
Restless nights pondering on and on about my flaws. What I did wrong. And if there was a way to avoid this.

But she was more powerful.
She waltzed in and casts you under her spell.
And just like that, you were gone.
Off to a distant land with your new lover.
I was disposable.

Now I lay her and I visualize and fantasize about the wonderful life I’ll have, without you.